How to Rebuild Confidence When You Feel Stuck

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes confidence is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” 

— Mary Anne Radmacher

Confidence isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a psychological state that ebbs and flows throughout life. You’re not broken because your confidence is low. You’re not defective. You’re human.

Maybe life knocked you around: a string of setbacks, a betrayal, criticism that cut too deep, or just the creeping sense that you don’t measure up. Now you’re standing still—not because you’re lazy or unmotivated—but because your nervous system is doing its best to protect you from further harm. If this resonates, this post is for you.

Why Confidence Fails Us

Some of the most common causes of diminished confidence include:

• Perfectionism: Believing nothing is ever good enough—especially you.
• Fear of judgement or failure: Expecting that others will mock or reject you if you get it wrong.
• Negative comparisons: Measuring your behind-the-scenes against someone else’s highlight reel.
• Trauma or adverse life events: The past doesn’t just stay in the past—it shapes our nervous system responses.
• People-pleasing and neglecting your own needs: When you’re trained to keep the peace, your identity (and confidence) takes a hit.

These are not just “mindset issues.” They’re nervous system issues. Confidence isn’t just about how you think—it’s about how safe you feel to act.

A Practical, Layered Approach to Rebuilding Confidence

1. Start With Safety, Not Positivity

Trying to “think positive” when you’re dysregulated rarely works. Your nervous system must feel safe before your brain can consider risk or growth. So ask:

“What would help me feel 5% safer right now?”

This might be grounding practices, body-based therapies, time in nature, boundaries with people who drain you, or simply pausing.

Therapeutic Insight: Confidence is a by-product of felt safety. You can't access your best self from survival mode. So before action, comes regulation.

2. Shrink the Goal—Radically

Confidence builds through competence, not wishful thinking. Set yourself up to succeed by aiming smaller. Much smaller.

Instead of: “I’ll apply for five jobs this week.”
Try: “I’ll open my CV file and update one line.”

Therapeutic Insight: CBT shows us that behavioural activation leads to increased self-efficacy. Confidence follows action, not the other way around.

3. Build a 'Proof Bank'

Start recording moments (even tiny ones) where you were brave, honest, kind, or simply showed up. Create a journal or folder titled: "Proof I’m Capable."

This isn’t just motivational—it’s neuroplasticity in action. You’re teaching your brain new associative pathways based on evidence, not fear.

4. Identify Whose Voice You're Hearing

Often the harsh voice in your head isn’t yours. It’s an internalised parent, teacher, or bully. Ask:

“Who does this voice belong to?”
“Would I speak to someone I love this way?”

Then consciously choose to talk back with grounded compassion. For example: “Yes, I’m scared. And I can take one step anyway.”

5. Don’t Go It Alone

Confidence thrives in safe, attuned relationships. Whether it's a trusted friend, a therapist, or a group, confidence grows in connection, not isolation.

Therapeutic Insight: Attachment theory and trauma-informed practice emphasise that relational repair is often the missing link in rebuilding self-worth.

Final Thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck, remember: you don’t need to be confident to take action—you just need to be willing. Start where you are. Trust that confidence will catch up with you as you keep showing up.

And if you're navigating this journey alone, you're welcome to bring it into session. Confidence isn't just something you “get”—it's something you build, slowly and gently, with the right support.